


a menace with a blue check

by N_Is_For_Knowledge



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Transcendence (Gravity Falls), Emails, Gen, Texting, Twitter, but this was really fun, hey yall fun fact this was finished in may so its actually my first social media fic, just some pines fam fluff and dipper shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27216433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N_Is_For_Knowledge/pseuds/N_Is_For_Knowledge
Summary: "Mabel, Henry, and the kids (no, teens now, they grew up so fast) were at some state park, leaving Dipper alone for the day, and he hadn’t had any summons in the past few hours. It was quiet, almost suspiciously quiet, but he wasn’t complaining. He had the whole day to do whatever he wished. And right now, his brain was running through the craziest, dumbest spur-of-the-moment plans imaginable."Or, the saga of Dipper's verified Quacker account. Because he has that. For some reason.
Relationships: Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines, Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines & Henry Pines & Acacia Pines & Willow Pines & Hank Pines
Comments: 2
Kudos: 89





	a menace with a blue check

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was written for the [transcendence au zine](https://transcendence-zine.tumblr.com/post/631811092325269504/the-zine-has-arrived-unfortunately-weve-had), which i highly recommend y'all check out, so many people contributed art and fic and it's great!
> 
> okay, I won’t lie, this came about because I’ve been reading a ridiculous amount of social media and twitter fics, and also because I’ve been writing a lot of chatfics recently, and also, as is evident from phoebe's arc, I’ve been thinking about social media in this universe for a really long time. quacker is the equivalent of twitter, clikclok is tiktok, grumblr is tumblr, and weed is vine.

Dipper was, in one word, bored. In two words, he was a phrase in a language that wouldn’t be created for another thousand years, which he only knew because of an unfortunate infodump while he was trying to cook dinner.

(The dinner ended up fine, thanks for asking. It tasted okay to him. He didn’t understand why the triplets gagged after eating it.)

Mabel, Henry, and the kids (no, teens now, they grew up so fast) were at some state park, leaving Dipper alone for the day, and he hadn’t had any summons in the past few hours. It was quiet, almost suspiciously quiet, but he wasn’t complaining. He had the whole day to do whatever he wished. And right now, his brain was running through the craziest, dumbest spur-of-the-moment plans imaginable.

 _Adopt a kid?_ No, definitely not. He had enough on his plate with Acacia, Hank, and Willow. And where would he even get a kid?

 _Read Twin Souls fanfic?_ No. Why was he even thinking about that?

 _Write Twin Souls fanfic?_ NO. Shut up about Twin Souls, brain.

 _Get a Weed account?_ No. Weed’s been dead for thirty years, and even he can’t bring it back.

 _Get a ClikClok account?_ No. Please. That was Mabel’s thing. And he was a really bad dancer.

 _Get a Grumblr account?_ No. Absolutely not. The place was a breeding ground for Twinners and crazy discourse, and he wouldn’t touch that place with a ten foot pole.

_Get a Quacker account?_

Maybe some of his brain’s dumb plans were actually good.

*******************

**Alcor The Dreambender**

_@alcor-official-618_

yes. that alcor. really.

8 following 0 followers

  
  
  


**twin souls rox!** _@defenitley-mizar_

hey @alcor-official-618 ! r u a new rp blog? do u wanna rp w me? ill be mizar ;D

> **Alcor The Dreambender** _@alcor-official-618_

no, i am not a new roleplay blog. i’m actually alcor the dreambender. fuck off. (by the way, you misspelled ‘definitely’ in your url)

*******************

He adds something to his bio after that.

*******************

**Alcor The Dreambender**

_@alcor-official-618_

yes. that alcor. really. (not an rp blog dammit)

(btw if a twinner comes within three feet of this account they explode them’s the rules)

8 following 0 followers

*******************

 **|** **pines fam <3|**

**_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ ** dipdop get ur butt over here!!!

 **_dapper dipper:_ **what?

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ ** did u make a quacker account while we were at cottonwood canyon?

 **_dapper dipper:_ ** how do u knowwwwwwwwwww

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ **gompers told me

 **_whomping willow:_ ** what’s goin on mom?

 **_acaciYEAH:_ **yeah! didn’t know u could talk to gompers, mom

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ **of course i can talk to gompers

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ ** i’m just sad that i can’t quack on my account to go follow my dorky awesome demon brother 

**_dapper dipper:_ ** aww thanks mabes 

**_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ ** just stay away from the twinners, bro, i know it squicks you out 

**_dapper dipper:_ ** don’t worry mabes

*******************

 **the superior dweeb** _@peteyb_

imma just ask the question we’re all too scared to ask: alcor-official-618? is he?? actually alcor?? 

> **Alcor The Dreambender** _@alcor-official-618_

yes. how hard is that to understand?

>> **the superior dweeb** _@peteyb_

AAAAAAAAH HOW DID YOU FIND THIS AAAAAAAH

>>> **‘tis but free real estate, darling** _@jessiejess_

this just in: alcor the dreambender, lord of nightmares, looks himself up on the internet 

>>>> **Alcor The Dreambender** _@alcor-official-618_

i do NOT look myself up on the internet. do you know how much shitty twin souls fic you find when you look me up on the internet?

*******************

**|pines fam <3|**

**_dapper dipper:_ **ugh how hard is it for people to realize that i’m actually alcor, not some parody or rp account??

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ **sounds like you need to get verified, bro

 **_dapper dipper:_ ** how does that even work? do the quacker people show up at your house and interrogate you?

 **_hank forrest gump:_ ** uncle dip this never would’ve happened if you hadn’t made a quacker acc 

**_dapper dipper:_ ** but HANK i am but an agent of chaos!!! how could you insinuate that i would never do something crazy when y’all’re gone? you’re like 80% of my impulse control

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ ** omg it’s like that meme

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ ** dip: my sister went out for grocery shopping so i cut the sleeves off all my suits. why? she’s like 80% of my impulse control

 **_dapper dipper:_ **if anything the opposite is true

 **_dapper dipper:_ ** and that actually happened once

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ ** hey!! it’s not MY fault sleeveless sweaters look cool as h*ck

 **_hank forrest gump:_ ** mom why did you censor heck

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ ** because it’s a bad fucking word

*******************

 **Alcor the Dreambender** _@alcor-official-618_

people think the dynamic between me and mizar is like “impossibly cool demon meets impossibly cool pretty human girl and they’re both super cool and have forbidden romance” or some shit when it’s actually like this: 

**Alcor the Dreambender** _@alcor-official-618_

mizar: alcor’s out on a summons so i cut the sleeves off all of my sweaters!! why? he’s basically like 95% of my impulse control

 **Alcor the Dreambender** _@alcor-official-618_

mizar wants me to add that the reverse is also true. it’s not.

> **hey, now** _@uranallstar_

MIZAR QUACKER ACCOUNT??

>> **Alcor The Dreambender** _@alcor-official-618_

i’ve talked to her about it, but mizar doesn’t particularly like quacker. she prefers clikclok.

>>> **gay for mizar** _@asdfghjkl_

um?? mizar?? is a clikclokker??

*******************

**Alcor The Dreambender**

_@alcor-official-618_

yes. that alcor. really. (not an rp blog dammit)

(btw if a twinner comes within three feet of this account they explode them’s the rules)

8 following 16.5K followers

*******************

**|pines fam <3|**

**_dapper dipper:_ ** omg the quacker is blowing up like you would not beLIEVE

 **_dapper dipper:_ **i think it was bc of the revelation that mizar is a clikclokker

 **_dapper dipper:_ ** IM AT FUKCJBN 16K FOLLOWERS

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ **congrats dip!! that’s a lot!!

 **_henry “clothing hanger” pines:_ ** nice!

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ ** now they’ll HAVE to verify u

 **_dapper dipper:_ **i think most people think it’s a parody account. they can’t imagine alcor the dreambender shitposting so much

 **_dapper dipper:_ ** but i have two (2) ideas to get verified 

**_dapper dipper:_ **1\. i go into the dreams of the people in charge of this shit and pester them until they verify this account

 **_dapper dipper:_ ** 2\. i fill out the form like a normal civilized person and wait for them to verify me

 **_dapper dipper:_ ** oh wait it asks for your full name and birthdate and phone number and all that shit no way

 **_dapper dipper:_ ** okay operation pester quacker employees in their dreams starts tonight wish me luck

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ **oh gosh it’s grunkle stan and gisnep+ all over again

 **_henry “clothing hanger” pines:_ ** ??

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ **long story

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ ** ok dip we’re gonna go to the movies and watch the live-action remake of toy tale 4 wanna come with

 **_dapper dipper:_ **hell yeah

*******************

 **From:** Abigail Mackie (amackie@quacker.com)

 **To:** Roger Steinfelt (rsteinfelt@quacker.com) 

**Sent:** 7/19/2041 9:19 AM

 **Subject:** Strange Dreams

Have you also been having strange dreams about Alcor the Dreambender jumping around a bouncy house and demanding that you verify Quacker user alcor-official-618? Because I have. And it’s incredibly annoying.

Regards, Abigail Mackie

  
  
  


**From:** Roger Steinfelt (rsteinfelt@quacker.com) 

**To:** Abigail Mackie (amackie@quacker.com)

 **Sent:** 7/19/2041 10:28 AM

 **Subject:** Re: Strange Dreams

I’ve been having the same dream. The exact same dream. I don’t know if it’s the verification office hive mind or if Alcor the Dreambender is actually pestering us to verify his Quacker account, but I’d very much like it to stop. 

Regards, Roger Steinfelt

  
  
  


**From:** Roger Steinfelt (rsteinfelt@quacker.com) 

**To:** Abigail Mackie (amackie@quacker.com)

 **Sent:** 7/19/2041 4:53 PM

 **Subject:** RE: Re: Strange Dreams

I’ve checked with the rest of the verification office, and they’ve all had the exact same dream. What do we do now? On one hand, this is the demon responsible for the California disaster. On the other… I don’t want to go through another one of the bouncy house dreams. 

Regards, Roger Steinfelt

  
  
  


**From:** Abigail Mackie (amackie@quacker.com)

 **To:** Roger Steinfelt (rsteinfelt@quacker.com) 

**Sent:** 7/19/2041 6:27 PM

 **Subject:** RE: Re: Strange Dreams

Let’s wait another day. If we get another dream tonight, we’ll decide what to do. It’s just another day of the dreams, how bad can it be? I only wonder why the Dreambender could not have gone through the proper channels to verify his account.

Regards, Abigail Mackie

  
  
  


**From:** Roger Steinfelt (rsteinfelt@quacker.com) 

**To:** Abigail Mackie (amackie@quacker.com)

 **Sent:** 7/19/2041 6:31 PM

 **Subject:** RE: Re: Strange Dreams

Okay. I’m forwarding your email to the rest of the verification office. 

Regards, Roger Steinfelt 

*******************

**|pines fam <3|**

**_dapper dipper:_ ** they haven’t verified me yet

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ ** give it time brobro! they’re not gonna do it right away

 **_dapper dipper:_ **but i used the most annoying dream possible! it involved a bouncy house and ten thousand kazoos all playing different songs! it was so funny you should have been there

 **_dapper dipper:_ ** ughhh i don’t feel so good tho. i think i used too much power. hopefully i’ve got a lot of sum

 **_acaciYEAH:_ **he was attacked before he could finish

 **_whomping willow:_ ** u laugh, acacia, but he got pulled to a summons while he was typing

 **_dapper dipper:_ ** ugh it’s just the usual “we are an evil cult give us ultimate power” shit 

**_dapper dipper:_ **omg are those cue cards is that guy really reading off of cue cards

 **_hank forrest gump:_ ** ……are you seriously texting during a summons?

 **_dapper dipper:_ ** yup

 **_dapper dipper:_ **remind me tonight to start day 2 of operation pester quacker employees in their dreams

 **_dapper dipper:_ ** better up the number of kazoos

 **_dapper dipper:_ ** half of them will play baby shark

 **_maybe it’s mabel-ine:_ **baby shark!!

 **_henry “clothing hanger” pines:_ ** oh no not baby shark

 **_hank forrest gump:_ **what’s baby shark?

 **_dapper dipper:_ **the late 2010s were really weird

*******************

**From:** Abigail Mackie (amackie@quacker.com)

 **To:** Roger Steinfelt (rsteinfelt@quacker.com) 

**Sent:** 7/20/2041 6:15 AM

 **Subject:** Another Dream

As you probably know, there was another one. Alcor doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon.

Pardon my language, but what the fuck are we going to do?

Regards, Abigail Mackie

  
  
  
  


**From:** Roger Steinfelt (rsteinfelt@quacker.com) 

**To:** Abigail Mackie (amackie@quacker.com)

 **Sent:** 7/20/2041 12:39 PM

 **Subject:** Re: Another Dream

Can we please just verify him? It really won’t hurt anyone. Apart from the people who will think that Quacker is validating a literal murderer, which we kind of will be, but please, I just want the dreams to end. I have had Baby Shark stuck in my head for literal hours.

Regards, Roger Steinfelt

  
  
  
  


**From:** Abigail Mackie (amackie@quacker.com)

 **To:** Roger Steinfelt (rsteinfelt@quacker.com) 

**Sent:** 7/20/2041 1:23 PM

 **Subject:** Re: Another Dream

I figured we should take the rest of the verification office’s opinion on this, so I created a Google form. Please forward it to the rest of the office.

[ https://forms.gle/g4HE5dUdpYd9SXveA ](https://forms.gle/g4HE5dUdpYd9SXveA)

Regards, Abigail Mackie

  
  
  
  


**From:** Abigail Mackie (amackie@quacker.com)

 **To:** Roger Steinfelt (rsteinfelt@quacker.com), Zara Wesley (zwesley@quacker.com), Nina Patrick (npatrick@quacker.com)... _[See All]_

 **Sent:** 7/20/2041 5:47 PM

 **Subject:** Google Form Results

The results are in, and it’s 23 to 7. Twenty-three people wanted to verify Alcor. Most of them said it was because they didn’t want to be plagued for their whole lives by the bouncy house dreams. Really, I don’t blame them. 

I’ll do it as soon as possible.

Regards, Abigail Mackie

*******************

 _(Quacker Verified_ **_@verified_ ** _followed Alcor the Dreambender_ **_@alcor-official-618_ ** _)_

*******************

 **Alcor The Dreambender** _@alcor-official-618_ ✔️

woooooo blue check! i apologize to the good people at _@verified_ for making you deal with those dreams 

> **Quacker Verified** _@verified_ ✔️

Apology accepted. Those dreams were horrible, though. We still have Baby Shark stuck in our heads.

> **knight in sparkly armor** _@capedcrusader_

did alcor torment the quacker staff with nightmares until they verified him? that’s a new low, even for a murderous demon

>> **Quacker Verified** _@verified_ ✔️

They weren’t exactly nightmares. They just had a lot of eye-searing pastels and kazoos.

*******************

**|pines fam <3|**

**_dapper dipper:_ **WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **_dapper dipper:_ **I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT

 **_henry “clothing hanger” pines:_ ** yes we know ur excited yes we know u don’t need to sleep but please stop it’s two in the morning 


End file.
